


Do What You Need To

by zipandzap95



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Character Death, Dean And Cas Love Each Other, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Fix-It 15x20, Hurt/Comfort, Logic, M/M, Mentioned 15x18 Despair, POV Dean Winchester, Rusty Nail - Freeform, Sam Winchester is Sassy, Sam and Dean are brothers, So I think I'm entitled to just post now, This has been in my WIPs since November, carry on, death is not the end, episode 15x20, kind of, mentioned saileen, reason, tagged for swearing, uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:08:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29237334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zipandzap95/pseuds/zipandzap95
Summary: Sam dropped his shoulders. "You're *fucking* kidding me, right?"%%Dean has reached his end... with a nail in his back. He knows it's not the ending he should have had.But he has a plan. He's done all of this for a reason, one that he must tell to Sam now that he's dying in his brother's arms... again.Here's why I *really* think Dean let go so easily.(Episode 15x20, kind-of-sort-of a fix-it I wrote in 15 minutes)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	Do What You Need To

**Author's Note:**

> Might add another chapter and give it a nice ending. Or I'll just leave it like this.
> 
> Let's see how it goes.

**Chapter 1**

The smell of hay and blood was beginning to overpower Dean's senses, clouding his vision, making everything blurry. He could feel his body dying, his soul leaving him, filtering through the hole in the middle of his back.

He'd been stabbed so many times before. And though he couldn't deny it was still very, very painful, he couldn't bring himself to find this feeling at all fascinating or different. He'd died so many times already; what was one more?

Sam was getting ready to leave the scene, and it was clear that he had no idea that Dean was very seriously hurt. He was sliding away his knife into his holster, looking around at the bodies of dead vampire clowns that lay at their feet.

"Alright. Let's go find those kids. Get 'em out of here." Sam dusted off his hands.

Dean felt his breath becoming looser, just as it had before, so many times. He groaned. "Sam. I don't think I'm going anywhere."

"What?" Sam asked, puzzled. "What are you talking about?"

"There's... there's something in my back." Dean groaned. "It feels like it's right through me."

Dean felt Sam press a palm against his back, and Dean knew that it came away red. He could hear Sam's heavy sigh.

"All right," Sam moved forward, moving to get his brother from the wall. "Hold on. Here we go. I got you."

Dean stuttered. "No, no, no, no, no, don't move me. Don't move me. It feels like this thing is holding me together right now."

Sam was watching him carefully; a mix of concern and confusion clear on his face.

Dean glanced at him. "Just give me- just give me a minute."

"Yeah. Um... All right, I'll call for help. I'll get the first aid kit."

Dean stopped him. "Sam, Sam, Sam. Stay- stay with me. Stay with me, please."

Confusion overcame his brother's face. It was clear Sam was trying to figure out what Dean was doing. What he was saying. "Okay. Yeah."

Dean breathed slowly. "Okay. Okay. Uh, right. All right, listen to me. You get those boys, and you get them someplace safe. All right?"

There were several beats of silence. Sam shifted on his feet. "Dean, what the _hell_ are you talking about?"

"You heard me man. You can't move me. You-you gotta go on without me."

Sam scoffed. "Dean, you're _kidding_ me. I know you are. I can _literally_ fix this with some whiskey and a needle and thread. Actually, I'm pretty sure Jack can come down here and heal you-"

"No. No, Sammy. No. That's not happening."

"Dean, why the hell not? Jack is like our son. I'm sure he'd do us this favor."

"Sam. I don't _want_ him to. I don't want to-"

Dean let out another breath. He could feel himself fading away. But he tapped into the strength he so obviously had, and he remained upright.

Sam dropped his shoulders. "You're _fucking_ kidding me, right?"

Dean's head shot up. "What?"

"A _nail?"_ Sam threw up his arms. "Are you _shitting_ me? _This_ is how you want to go out? This is how you want to kill yourself? Tell me something, Dean, was this an accident, or did you know that nail was right behind you when you basically rammed right into it?"

"You're being a moron, Sam."

"No, you are!" Sam shouted back. "What the _hell_ , Dean? I thought you were past this! We literally just got our freedom back, Chuck is gone, we're saving the world. We actually have a chance at a good life now! The life you wanted! The one we deserve!"

Dean opened his mouth, but Sam silenced him. "Yeah, Dean, I saw that job application open on your desk. I saw the way you are with Miracle. And I see how you act. Dean, you're free, and you know it. So why the _fuck_ would you want to-"

"Because it's not _worth_ it!"

Sam shut up immediately, his brow creased like it is when he can't figure something out. "What?"

Dean looked away. "Sam... I'm all out of options."

"Options? Options for what?"

"For... for finding the door to the Empty."

And that was when it hit Sam. Dean could see it, clear as day. The moment that the light of realization came to his face.

"Cas."

"Yeah."

"You've been trying to save him."

Dean looked away again. He swallowed. "It's a new book. Every night for the past month. I sit down and I... I haven't slept in ages, Sam. I-I _can't,_ because every time I do, every time I _close my eyes,_ I _see_ him, and he's _dying_ right in front of me, over and over and over again. And he's saying that he-"

Then Dean really had to hold his breath, and it had nothing to do with the metal in his back. "The bunker's library's got nothing. We've gone through... who knows how many pages of lore and research on so many past cases. We've looked through all our records. And we have... _nothing_. Nothing, Sammy. No one's tried to do research on this fucking _thing_ that took Cas, because there's nothing to study! It's..."

Sam swallowed. "Hopeless."

Dean sighed again. He could feel a tear fall from his cheek. "I just... I have to figure something else out."

"Dean, you can't do that if you're _dead."_

"It's the _only_ way."

"How do you know?"

"Because I've tried everything _else_ , Sam!" Dean yelled desperately. "There's nothing here on Earth that can help me out, so there's got to be something in Heaven! Someone! Somewhere, there's _something_ on a place where angels go when they die. And if I can't find a way to save Cas here on Earth, I've got to go _everywhere_ until I find something."

"So you're..." Sam breathed a huff of surprise. "You're dying... so you can study _abroad_?"

Dean shook his head. "Sammy, wherever I end up, I'll have a better chance at saving him. I mean, there are literally portals and beings that can take us between worlds. There are so many options, people and things to talk to and... whatever the Empty is... there's nothing to go on here. Maybe in Heaven... I don't know, maybe I could get better in touch with Jack, meet with some dicks with wings, get some-"

"Okay."

Dean looked up in shock as Sam had spoken, his taller sibling standing there with his shoulders and back straight and his face passive. He was actually _listening._

Dean's brows creased. "Okay? What do you mean, okay?"

"Dean..." Sam said. "Look. It's clear you've already made up your mind. If you say this is the only way, then this is the only way."

"Sam what the- you're not even gonna try talking me out of it?"

"Well, I mean, Dean, as much as I hate always seeing you die... you're making a lot of sense. There _are_ probably more resources and people to talk to in Heaven and even in Hell than there would ever be on Earth. Hell, I'm pretty sure _Ash_ knows something, or even Ellen and Jo. I mean, isn't Bobby still in Heaven somewhere, too?"

"Y-yeah, actually, I think-"

"And I mean, who's to say that I can't take care of things down here?" Sam continued. "You don't have to do this alone. I still have some great connections with some hunters, friends we've made along the way. We can take care of the rest of these vampire clowns, and we'd probably still be able to ask questions. If we branch out with so many people, we're bound to find something to help Cas."

Dean quirked a smile. "That... that sounds good, Sammy."

"Dean... I wouldn't just give up on him. Not on Cas. Not after what we've been through. I mena, we wouldn't just drop everyone and everything we've ever done. This is for family. We'd do anything for family, right?"

Dean nodded silently, his smile growing wider. "Damn right."

Sam's smile faltered a little bit as he looked his brother up and down. "How are you doing?"

Dean groaned. He felt himself getting weaker. "I have a couple more minutes."

"Yeah, you'd know, wouldn't you."

"Shut up."

They both chuckled, with Dean trying to be as careful as possible in the expression. Luckily, he had a very high pain threshold, and like Sam had said, he'd been through worse. He can stand to talk to his brother for a little longer before he left for his trip.

"Sammy..." he said. "I know that you'll... take care of things down here. I mean, you're gonna be working, keep on fighting... but you're also gonna take care of yourself, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... settle down. With Eileen. Have 2.5 kids, live the life with her. Don't worry about bringing me back, or do any of that... unhealthy codependent crap we pulled all those years ago. Live your life, lead the hunters with her, do what you _want._ And don't... die too quick."

Sam chuckled. His voice was beginning to waver. "I'll try, Dean."

"And you know I'll just... be a phone call away, right? I mean, first thing I do when I get up there, I'm asking Jack for an angel or two to be our messenger. And I'll be bugging you all night and day."

Sam smiled, almost sadly. A tear fell from his cheek. "Yeah, sure, Dean."

"No, I mean it man. I mean, if you think me dying is goodbye for us, then I have no idea where you've been."

Sam sniffed. "Like you're gonna have time to bug us, anyway."

Dean's small smile fell away as he grimaced in pain, feeling his life force slip away quickly. "Yeah. Like I'd ever forget about you."

Sam finally saw the pain stagger across his brother's face, and his face fell into one of brotherly concern as he clutched at Dean's shoulder. "Hey, hey, Dean. It's okay. Just... breathe a little bit."

Dean huffed a little bit, and he felt his body continue to fail him. "I... I'm fading pretty quick."

"No, I know, I know," Sam told him. "Just a little more... just _give me_ a little more time."

Dean huffed a few short breaths, squeezing his eyes tight. It felt like the worst body pain he'd ever had, like he was hungry, cold, and incredibly weak at the same time. Like his entire being was becoming increasingly empty.

Sam sighed. "He told you he loved you, didn't he?"

Dean squeezed his eyes closed. "What?"

"I know you heard me."

Dean exhaled sharply, and he looked down. "How'd you know?"

Sam scoffed, amused. "Educated guess. What did you say?"

Dean could barely bring himself to reply. He couldn't look at Sam, couldn't face the look of disappointment. "...nothing."

_"Nothing?"_

"Yeah, Sam, _nothing._ I was... I couldn't believe it. I mean, there we were, standing there one moment, and the next he..."

Sam looked away. "I'm sorry, Dean."

"No, no, Sam, I..." Dean paused. "You... you would have thought that I'd have... learned my lesson all those times _I lost him_. All those times of wishing I'd _said_ something, and I... I kept putting it off. I kept telling myself that I had enough time to tell him, and that he was back for good, that I'd never lose him again. And... God, I was so wrong, Sammy. He never got to hear it, and it's _my_ fault. I... I made him feel like he could never have me, even though I've _been_ his since..."

Dean groaned again, with it being a mix of physical and emotional pain. Sam finished his sentence for him.

"Since the start."

"... yeah."

"I know, Dean. I know. I'm sorry."

Dean shook his head, allowing some tears to fall and slide from his cheeks. He had been expecting, even _hoping_ to die, just for this purpose... but a part of him did believe he'd have more time with his brother to hunt and save the world one monster at a time. Just like the old days.

But. If this is what it took to get Cas back, then damn if it wasn't worth it.

Dean breathed shallowly, patting his brother's shoulder.

"Sammy, I've already given you this speech so many times before," said Dean. "So I won't repeat myself. We've had... way too many chick flick moments as it is. So... I guess... all I can say is-"

Dean choked on his words. Sam cleared his throat.

"It's fine, Dean," he finished. "I know. And I know you, you're... You're not giving up. That's what's important. You're gonna keep on fighting, and you're gonna get Cas back."

"Yeah. You know I will."

"And I'll be here for you. The whole time. Anytime you need something... I promise I'll always be here for you."

Dean huffed a laugh. "As always, Sammy." He patted his brother's shoulder. "And if I... get caught up in my study abroad program up there... just know that... you're the best brother I could have asked for. I'm so proud to see who you've grown up to be. And the person you're gonna become after this is all over, because believe me. It will be over."

Sam smiled. "Good luck up there."

Dean smiled back. He patted his brother's shoulder.

Then he felt his body become limp. He felt Sam's hands grasping at his shoulders, much like a brother would hold another. Dean's consciousness ebbed away.

And he was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I.... apologize for this rushed and terrible writing, BUT I hope I got my point across. 
> 
> Don't worry; if it sucks, I'll orphan it. 
> 
> ~ zipandzap95


End file.
